For Whom the Bell Tolls

獻給一個已經不能當朋友的人
願你一切安好

Hey
you probably don’t care anymore
But I miss you every single day
I know you’re in a better place now
and I’m where I’m supposed to be
I just figured I’d make this
so that if one day you’re ready
you’ll always have this to remember me by

I remember how it was, why you had to feel so mad,
when in fact, I just wanted to give you the life that you never had,
I could see how sad, every time you leave or when I went back,
I could see it in your eyes, something slowly dying inside,
All the times I wasn’t there, looking like I didn’t care
putting you through an affair, giving you all the despair,
I thought I would pull through with you, and be with you,
I didn’t do enough to protect you from the damage I was doing to you,
I’m all you had at that time, you gave up your friends for mine,
acting like it would be fine, what the hell was in my mind,
always got something to hide, I know you could see the truth,
I was always doing something with someone that wasn’t you
I tried to keep you away from it, but somehow it seems
the harder that I try to do that the more it backfires on me,
all the things I knew, tried everything I could to avert,
never wanted to do to you but somehow still got you hurt
It kills me that it’s over now, god, I want you back,
but things have got so bad between us I don’t see us ever being together ever again,
like we used to be when we believed and hoped
but now that hope is gone and all that you have left for me’s resent
I thought you and I were meant to be and I could beat the odds
but now I’m here alone with our hearts blown to pieces
But that’s my own undoing, imma let you be,
I can only hope I’ll live to see the day that you forgive me

And your love feels like so long ago
it was once so close to me
but now I ask where’d it go
Now I sing in the dark all alone
but when my heart dies will you
ask for whom the bell tolls

heh, it’s funny,
I remember all the nights that you’d get drunk and high and call me
be rude to me, cry at me, tell me how much you missed me, and how
you would text the same, right after we just met up,
I’ll never forget that bus ride home, my tears just wouldn’t let up
‘cause damn I felt like a bum—
see you gave me your heart, and on it
you wrote down the only thing you ever really wanted but at the time
every bit that felt so real either kept gettin’ broken by some newsflash or we’d fight and then it’d crash
but still then you, were clearing out the dates on your new schedule
tryna set aside some days so we could be together longer
had it all lined up ‘till next year, ‘till I called to end it there
I know it hurts so bad, my hands were shaking with despair
And it seemed like everything was just startin’ to fall apart,
You and I were arguing a lot, and you moved back to Taichung and started nursing work, punch in 9 to 5,
and I spent more time studying before my nationals arrived
And that’s when things turned from occasion to a steady routine,
we did weekends, or whenever you got off days to see me
but I had someone else, so I told you I was leaving,
then you started seeing new stuff on your newsfeed,
and then you didn’t like it,
and I spent so much time hiding I wasn’t thinking,
I had always got to go, you then developed a habit,
and it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I’m so sorry you had to be there and witness it firsthand
‘cause all I ever wanted to do was to make it work
but all I was instead was just a jerk,
now I’m reminiscing
looking at our older pictures, it just cracks me up
to think of what it would be like had I never hung up the gloves
But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore
I did what I thought was right, and now I live with it
It’s all over now, now you’ve got someone else
I just hope he loves you as much as I did because

Your love feels like so long ago
it was once so close to me
but now I ask where’d it go
Now I sing in the dark all alone
but when my heart dies will you
ask for whom the bell tolls
And I know it’s too late to ask if you
would turn around for me
kindle the last of my soul
So I’ll burn myself into a memory
I’ll always be there for you
No matter where you go