9. Are There Really Goodbyes

我會冷靜 我是個成年人
我會兒好好處理 絕對不會失控的
當我坐在計程車裡
看著熟悉的街道跟大樓
在她傷透我心的兩個月後
我該說些什麼呢

也許等一下 我就能知道他在想什麼了
也許再過一小時 我就能把所有的不滿表達完
然後把這首歌寫完了
也許最後內衣褲都會散落在地板上
但也許我又會醉倒在某個路邊吧

內心深處部分的我恨著你
但我正看著你溫柔的雙眼
我甚至沒注意到菸都燒到我的頭髮了
上天啊 這是什麼永不停止的旋轉木馬嗎
我怎麼永遠都離不開它
內心深處部分的我還愛著你
當我聽見你真誠的笑聲
捲髮跟午夜的啤酒 就像凍結的時間
上天啊 你帶給我的所有人
從來就沒有意圖要讓他們離開吧

我的腦袋呀 你今晚能不運作嗎？
我需要不理智的把話都講開
我的內心呀 你能暫時把所有想法說出口嗎？
我們用完全感性的方式面對它吧
你呀 我要的只是溝通
這兩個月間的每個寂靜跟招呼都快把我窒息了

也許我會知道除了你的音樂才華外
我到底還在留戀什麼
也許我會看清些什麼
畢竟大家都知道我總是盲目的
也許我會變得更機靈
但這機率大概也不高吧
我本來就不是什麼幸運的人

20：02 我閃過了回憶
那些酒精 即興演奏 跟炸薯條
23：30 我像被放逐般
看見了所有原本可能會擁有的結果
01：40 我也沒什麼好失去了吧
按下了通話鍵 想著我在搞什麼
但結局又還能怎麼更糟呢

02：02 我發現自己不帶任何後悔
站在一模一樣的老地方
日出了 煙灰缸也滿了
與當初相同的眼神凝視著我
早晨的某個時候 衣服都掉到了地板上
這是一時的軟弱嗎？
還是根本就沒有再也不見？

Saying I’ll be calm, I’m a grown up
I will behave and not totally lost control
When I’m sitting in the taxi
Looking at the streets
And the buildings I recognised from before
Didn’t know what we’re gonna say
After 2 months since she broke my heart

Maybe I’ll learn in a moment
After he said whatsoever he had in his head
Maybe I’ll finish this song in an hour
After I spilled all the rage on my plate
Might end up in my lingerie
Or just drunk girl dead again

Deep down a part of me hates you
But I was staring at your tender eyes
I didn’t even realise my cigarette burnt my hair
Oh Lord, what is this ever-spinning carousel
That I never seem to get off
Deep down a part me loves you still
When I hear your delicate giggles
Curly hair and late night beers, frozen recollections
Oh Lord, all the people you brought me
You never meant for them to part away

Hey brain, can you not work tonight?
I need to talk without being rational
Hey soul, can you pour it all out for now?
Let’s handle this all emotional
Hey you, all I want is a conversation after 2 months
You know the silence and every hello’s killing me

Maybe I’ll know what I’m holding on
Aside from your musical talents
Maybe I’ll see what I’ve missed
After all I’m known for sightless
Might end up being smarter
But I highly doubt the chances
I am never good with chances

Deep down a part of me hates you
But I was staring at your tender eyes
I didn’t even realise my cigarette burnt my hair
Oh Lord, what is this ever-spinning carousel
That I never seem to get off
Deep down a part me loves you still
When I hear your delicate giggles
Curly hair and late night beers, frozen recollections
Oh Lord, all the people you brought me
You never meant for them to part away

Two after eight, I had the flashback
All the liquor and the jamming and the fries
Half past eleven, I’m in exile
All the maybes came to light
Forty after one, I got nothing left
Hit call and thought what the hell, but
What’s the worst could happen, anyway?

Two after two, I found myself
Standing in the same place with no regret
Sunrising, ashtray overload
Same affection locking into my eyes
Some time in the morning, clothes on the floor
Was it a moment of weakness?
Or, are there really goodbyes?

Deep down a part of me hates you
But I was staring at your tender eyes
I didn’t even realise my cigarette burnt my hair
Oh Lord, what is this ever-spinning carousel
That I never seem to get off
Deep down a part me loves you still
When I hear your delicate giggles
Curly hair and late night beers, frozen recollections
Oh Lord, all the people you brought me
You never meant for them to part away