everything i need

made during 22.7.24.

this song, i wrote when i was in a really dark place.

nothing felt right, storms and waves kept crashing down on me, and i was just a little 15 year old trying to survive life.

it’s special to me because it was probably one of the most honest things i had ever written at that age. i didn’t know how to put everything i was feeling into words, so i put it into a song instead.

listening back to it now feels almost like looking at a younger version of myself — someone who was lost, overwhelmed, and desperately trying to find something, or someone, to hold onto.

“everything i need” isn’t just a song about pain. it’s about wanting to feel safe, understood, loved, and enough. it’s about searching for that little bit of light when everything around you feels dark.

i’m not that 15 year old anymore, but a part of him will always live in this song.

and maybe that’s why it still means so much to me.

staring at the ceiling, and i’m counting endless sheeps
my mind’s like a battlefield, emotions running deep
heart is feeling super heavy, soul is feeling bleak
feels just like a nightmare, need somebody to help me

days are getting endless, i need someone to hold
however, to you, i'm like some kind of cheap footnote
yeah i know im fragile, yeah i know i’m easily torn
but baby never throw me out like the old clothes you’ve worn

i’m drowning, lost in this ocean but
this doesn’t feel like me
i need a lifeline, a saving grace
just like how my mom sang me to sleep
she said

hey now, don’t you worry, things will be alright
you’ll never be hurt, for you’re my diamond that’ll shine
but hey mom, yeah i’m sorry but i’m never fine
i’m fumbling through the chaos, madness almost never dies

hey now, hold me tight when things are going bad
i’ll save you from the rain and give you all you ever seek
but hey mom, where is all the good cause there’s just bad
and now i don’t even know where is everything i need right now

lost in the labyrinth, looking for a sign
but i end up looking at what’s not mine
seriously, i’m tired of always wanting to confide
i wish that i had everything i need to survive

now you’re up in cloud 9, catching fame
when i’m on the ground and i’m dealing with the pain
i really wanna know how to not stand in the rain
but all i really do is never trying to escape

i’m haunted by the echoes of all of the mistakes
but i’m never finding peace, i’m just numbing all the aches
i’m living in the dark like a prisoner for life
but i’m yearning for the sunrise or a glimpse of light
yeah i’m lost in the shadows, a forgotten soul
i want a deep connection just to make me whole
don’t wanna be a victim or captive
i wanna be a guy who is free and adaptive

i’m drowning, lost in this ocean but
this doesn’t feel like me
i need a lifeline, a saving grace
just like how my mom sang me to sleep
she said

hey now, don’t you worry, things will be alright
you’ll never be hurt, for you’re my diamond that’ll shine
but hey mom, yeah i’m sorry but i’m never fine
i’m fumbling through the chaos, madness almost never dies

hey now, hold me tight when things are going bad
i’ll save you from the rain and give you all you ever seek
but hey mom, where is all the good cause there’s just bad
and now i don’t even know where is everything i need right now

hey, are you there? cause i need help
from all this pain, help me now