午夜尼泊爾 Midnight in Nepal

以為經歷了552個小時
會是降落後的一個擁抱
但那一頭卻什麼都沒有了

我想我一直都知道故事的結尾
但不願面對負面的情緒
因為每次下場都讓我的內心死了一部分

我在這 坐著吸菸室裡哭著
什麼都分辨不清楚了
我一根接著一根的點燃自以為的心理治療
好像這就真的能減輕些痛苦

電話的另一頭 你說了「抱歉」
你到底想怎麼玩弄我的腦袋？
說著「我們還能當朋友」
「未來總是未知的」
卻又在我保持距離時說我慘忍？
誰會在機場這樣道別
明明午夜時我就要離開尼泊爾了

你大可給我一些線索
讓我知道你把東西都打包、房間清空了
我想了八十二種可能性
想著那些可能性裡的每個未來
但沒有一個是這樣的 不該是這樣的

我在這 坐著吸菸室裡哭著
聽著電話裡那三分鐘的寂靜
我不敢掛掉電話 也不敢道別
因為我知道一旦這麼做了 就是再也不見

電話的這一頭 我說了「我恨你」
但明明我是很想跟著心裡走的
說著「你太自私了 我不會回頭的」
但時間重來我還是會再選擇你
我不該這麼做的 對吧？

電話的另一頭 你說了「抱歉」
你到底想怎麼玩弄我的腦袋？
說著「我們還能當朋友」
「未來總是未知的」
卻又在我保持距離時說我慘忍？
誰會在機場這樣道別
明明午夜時我就要離開尼泊爾了

Waited 552 hours
Thought it'd be a hug after landing
But there's nothing on the other side
I think I knew the ending all along
But wouldn't face the sorrow
'Cause every time I'd end up being dead
Here I am, sitting in the smoking room crying
Can't see clear anymore
My therapy, I light them one after one
As if that could ease the pain
On the other side of the phone
You said, 'I'm sorry'
Tell me what you want to do with my brain
Saying 'we could still be friends'
'There'll always be the maybes'
And you call me cruel for staying away
Who breaks up like that in an airport?
When at midnight, I'm leaving Nepal
You could've even given me some clues
Of how I'll return back to home
With your stuff all packed and gone
Went through eighty-two scenarios
Of what our future holds
And it's nothing like this
It was nowhere like this
But here I am, sitting in the smoking room crying
With that 3-minute silence on the phone
I was too afraid to hang up or say my goodbye
'Cause when I do, I know we'd be gone
On the other side of the phone
I said, 'I hate you'
Even though I really want to follow my heart
Saying, 'you are just selfish, I'll never be back'
But I'd do it again, I shouldn't do it again
On the other side of the phone
You said, 'I'm sorry'
Tell me what you want to do with my brain
Saying 'we could still be friends'
'There'll always be the maybes'
And you call me cruel for staying away
Who breaks up like that in an airport?
When at midnight, I'm leaving Nepal